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Consider this: A dog that has a fetish for burying shiny objects. A community that has a fetish for replacing shiny objects. A man that has a fetish for owning shiny objects. A porcelain doll that has a fetish for all things not porcelain, and thus has a persistant self-loathing personality that will eventually lead to dementia and alcoholism, with a slight case of the giggles.

Together, these items spell disaster for the City of Townsville. Buildings will crumble, people will perish, and small mounds of unexplained origin will appear. Overall, the tenor of Townsville will be one of terror as the dog is eaten by the giant mutant beaver; the same beaver that devoured Baldwin Manor, along with every Baldwin except Billy.

It will, of course, be plainly apparent that the only solution to the giant beaver is to call in the army, but everyone knows they'll turn away as soon as they discover the beaver is not made of snow. As the army tries to exit, however, they will encounter a mutant monkey with a brain the size of Paris Hilton's wallet, and ultimately be destroyed.

Fortunately for all involved, the dog's name is Brian, and he will mistake the word brain for his name. Unfortunately, he will shortly thereafter realize that his name was not actually called, and return to the digestive tract of the giant beaver in which he now resides.

George W. Bush will die in a horrible car crash with a donkey. He might have been saveable, except his aides will have helped the donkey instead, proving once and for all that an ass can be mistaken for Bush. This has nothing to do with our story, it's just something I felt like adding. Like the fact that God is like a shamrock: small, green, and split three ways.

Ultimately, the problem will be solved by a game of cards and a roll of duct tape. Let me explain... no, there is too much. Let me sum up. Buttercup is marrying Humperdink in a little less than half an hour. Bubbles and Blossom are less than pleased about this, and so shall propel Humperdink in to the giant beaver. Humperdink, having been playing bridge, will grab a bridge on the way up, killing Buttercup Bubbles and Blossom to prevent them from hindering the evil monkey with a giant brain. The bridge will then land in the massive maw of the giant beaver, who will use it as a toothpick after devouring Humperdink. The monkey will then charge at the beaver while it's cleaning its front teeth, and duct tape it to the ground. The beaver will realize what's just been duct taped to the ground, and do its best to pull away, causing itself so much pain in the process that it will pass out. Every Townsvillian will then eat beaver for dinner.

The monkey, realizing it hasn't yet harnessed the power of a volcano, will head to the North Pole. Nobody knows why, that's just what monkeys do when they haven't harnessed the power of a volcano. Upon the monkey's return, the beaver will already have been opened and exposed, and by now shaved in order to make warm coats.

Billy Baldwin will enter Townsville to kill the beaver, but upon discovering it's already dead he will drink to excess and be mistaken for a piñata, getting pummeled to death by an army of ten year olds. Beaver eating will continue uninterrupted.

The monkey will harness the power of the volcano and try to oppose the thumb under which he's been living. He will fire his volcano powered weapons at the Whitehouse, not knowing that Bush is already dead and all he's doing is burning the Whitehouse down for the third time by Canadian forces, and there will be much rejoicing.

The mayor of Townsville, whose aide we never see the face of, will reward the monkey with an honourary seat in parliament, from which he may legally extend his power over all of Townsville. He will accept this honourary seat until he realizes that since it's honourary, he can't actually do anything. Much moping will follow, as the beaver continues being eaten... what can I say, it's a big beaver.

Meanwhile, in Vancouver, a similar beaver will be attacking, but it will dissipate on its own when the townsfolk stop doing drugs. There will be no beaver eating in Vancouver. Ever. The monkey will hear of the Vancouver beaver and go there, but upon discovering it's merely a mass halucination he will become dejected, and return to Townsville.

While returning, the monkey will pass the limp bodies of Blossom, Buttercup and Bubbles, and kick them in the shins for old time's sake.

The people of Townsville will finally see the mutant monkey as he returns to town, and become frightened. Then they'll realize it's just a monkey, and return to their beaver eating.

The monkey will plan a final reign of terror for the people of Townsville, which will involve causing the volcano to erupt, killing everyone below in a hot firey death. Unfortunately, the monkey will forget that in order for his plan to work he must not be in the way of the lava. He will realize this only after he has started the flow of lava, and try to run very quickly. The Townsvillians will see the eruption, and in fear, hide inside the beaver. The monkey will collide with the beaver on his way out of town, and the holdup will cause him a warm pasty death. The people will rejoice. Because of the sheer size of the beaver, it will actually prove to be adequate defense against the warm pasty lava, and everyone will live. However, they will be unable to move until the lava cools, and so will continue eating the beaver from the inside in order to survive.

In a final act of defiance, the dog will pee on someone's leg.


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